To Loos I Trek

Thomas Crapper, the inventor of the modern toilet, has a lot to answer for in our family.

My daughter had an absolute facination with loos She saw a toilet as an open sesame to the rest of a house or building.

The instant we arrived anywhere, her first question was always “Please may I go to the toilet?”

Of course the lady of the house would show the way and I would sit on tenter hooks, waiting for my darling daughter to appear, knowing that she was probably ransacking a bedroom, trying on some exotic perfume or delving in their drawers.

She would return from these pit stops with an angelic smile on her face looking as if butter wouldn’t melt and I would try to relax until she asked again.

I found it so difficult sitting making polite conversation when all the time above my head I could hear footsteps and I just knew that my little darling was probably poking around    to One day to my complete embarrassment and the amusement of other guests. She was found stark naked trying on a pretty pillow case that had taken her fancy. Mind you, she was only three at the time.

Once I refused to let her go on her first plaintive request. This shut her up for a few minutes and then she started to cry. “I must go Mum, NOW”    My hostess, a nice lady blessed with no girls, looked horrified when I again refused Sarah permission.   I was even more horrified when minutes later Sarah triumphantly wet her knickers and a beautiful brocade settee.

I expect you are wondering why didn’t I take her on her frequent trips. I did, but well meaning friends would take pity on me after the fifth or sixth time and say “Let her go on her own, you are a big girl now aren’t you dear?”   I would then have to sit with clenched teeth and listen to the furtive movements above me.

Houses with cloakrooms were much safer, as they were closer, but even then my darling daughter would get into the garden or kitchen.

On the way home she would regale me with breathless stories.” Do you know Mrs so and so has the most beautiful fur coat in her wardrobe and in her jewellery box, she has diamond earrings- they looked beautiful on me.   Their children have a telly and a stereo and a computer and blue and white duvets and matching curtains.......”

Time and time again she was told off but the very next time we went somewhere it was “May I please visit your loo?”

Hostesses should have charged a visiting fee, that way at least my daughter could have paid her £1-00 admittance and got value for money.

Sarah now has children of her own and all four girls like to go to the loo when they visit me.. They think it strange that I am always around watching - but I still remember the nightmare of the tinkle.

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