I had been by myself for quite a while now & I took myself off to Folkestone to do some shopping. As I passed Lea's Cliff Hall I heard music & as I had now't else to do, purchased a ticket to the tea dance. I sat at a table just to listen to the music & to my surprise several ladies came up & asked me to dance. The most attractive girl in the hall was sitting adjacent to the dance floor & always seemed to have a queue of men asking her to dance. To my utter amazement she looked at me with askance in her eye's, I nodded & she left all the other men standing & came over to me. She was heavenly to dance with & we also jived together she really knew her steps.

At the end of the dance I just went home, not thinking anymore about it as she was many years younger than I. I didn't go back to a tea dance until about one year later. How was I to know that Lorna was saying to her sister & the other ladies at her table "Wonder what happened to that man who smoked a lot, perhaps he only came down here on holiday". In fact I only lived 10 miles away.

I returned to the same location almost a year later & decided to go to the tea dance again. Whilst at the dance other ladies asked me to dance & again she came over to me to ask why I hadn't asked her to dance, I told her that I had no intention of getting on the end of her queue of admirers. We then arranged that when she looked in my direction it would mean that she was asking me to dance, & we had most dances together. I really enjoyed dancing with her she was excellent, no wonder all the men were at her side. She informed me that she was a widow & she had never been out with any other man except her husband but friends had persuaded her to go dancing again.

I asked if she would go out to lunch with me next time I was in town & to my amazement she said yes. We went to a restaurant but neither of us could eat any of our meal, she was a wee bit scared at doing something she never thought she could do, & I also was a bit worried that I might put a foot wrong. However all went well & I asked her did she get out much, she explained that a few years ago she had contracted breast cancer & spent most of her time at home by herself. Subsequently I arranged that I call on her on Saturday afternoons & take her out to various towns along the coast. She thoroughly enjoyed these days out.

On her birthday I told her that I would cook her a special meal so she came over to my bungalow, but how was I to know that she didn't like Duck a L'orange (Poor little duck). We became constant companions after that & one day she came back to my place to cook me cold beans on burnt toast (not my most favourite meal). She then went out to the conservatory to get some ice cream out of the freezer. I shouted out to her to mind the floor (as my cleaner had just washed it) & she had high-heeled shoes on. Too late, crash she went on the floor, I gave her first aid & kept her warm in case of shock. Took her to hospital & the x-ray showed that she had broken her ankle. As she lived in a terrace house she asked if she could come over to my bungalow for six weeks until her plaster was taken off. That was about seven years ago & I often asked her wasn't her ankle better & wouldn't she like to return to Folkestone & the answer was always "no".

This was no mad passionate affair it was just two very good friends living together in harmony. She was not a sexual lady (although very sexy) & this suited me because she would not go looking for greener pastures as most other ladies do. So here we were happily suited, best friends in the world. What more could a man want than to spend the rest of his life together in bliss with someone he worshipped, but could never tell her.

We went out to lunch two or three times a week also shopping trips & to various seaside locations, we both thoroughly enjoyed each other's company, twenty-four hours a day seven days a week. She never wanted to go out in the evenings but wanted to see her "soap's" on television. She hated Alcoholics & drunks & so as not to upset her, I became teetotal. She had never been on a plane or a boat & even though I obtained a passport for her, she had no inclination to go abroad especially as she had a faithful old Labrador as her constant companion. Unfortunately, two years ago Leo died as he was, by then, quite old, so I buried him in the back garden adjacent to the marsh he loved to run on.

Just over a year ago Lorna developed a very continuous cough, the doctor said it was nothing to worry about & gave her antibiotics. Later she had a pain by her ribs & under her arm. Doctor said it was a trapped nerve (didn't even give her a painkiller). We changed her doctor & he said the other doctor was probably right but as she had had breast cancer he would arrange for her to have a scan. After a three-month wait she had the scan, then the doctor asked her to attend his surgery & told her that she now had lung cancer, to use his & her words "shit". A further six week wait & she saw a specialist who inserted a camera into her lung but found it clear. After a radioactive bone scan & a computer scan, where they put a probe through her back to take a biopsy, I began asking when is she going to get some remedial treatment?

After another wait, she saw the doctor that had given her treatment for her breast cancer, in whom she had a lot of faith. He prescribed radiotherapy & after a further three-week wait, it was given to her in two huge doses. By now she was getting a lot of pain & she was prescribed morphine tablets. After radiotherapy she was given steroids also indigestion tablets & several other items to take. After a further five weeks she had to return to see the specialist & have another x-ray taken. They said that they would contact the hospice, Lorna was terrified, as her husband had died in there. I told her that I was quite capable of looking after her & I would bolt & barricade the door & wouldn't let them take her away. However they did send down a very understanding nurse once a fortnight to check her medication & pain barrier. Lorna asked me to tell her the truth about her condition, but didn't want to know how long she had to live. I told her the truth, that she had lung cancer & it wouldn't go away by itself, but I would look after her.

She seemed satisfied by what I told her & we started going out to lunch, dancing & shopping again, but she got very tired quickly & was glad to get back to her bed. By this time I was carrying phials of morphine around with me to keep her pain under control. Her steroids were causing her to keep awake most of the night & I had to purchase many women's books for her to read. I was also getting out of bed every few hours to make her cups of tea & to ensure that she was pain free. She then developed a pain in her hip. Another radioactive bones scan & increased morphine, then a further huge dose of radiotherapy on her hip & a further five sessions of radiotherapy on her lung. After four sessions of this she was quite exhausted. Then last Sunday she had difficulty in breathing & I had to call the doctor out. He diagnosed a chest infection & called an ambulance whereby she was taken to hospital. When the doctor departed he put his hand on my shoulder & said "This is for the best as we may be able to buy her a further couple of months, also it will give you a rest from looking after her.

"Give me a rest", here I am alone again in my bungalow, every day driving up in hospital spending two or three hours with her, then driving home again to wash her nightwear to take it up the following day. Can't sleep, don't want to eat, have a continuous headache & worry as to how she is feeling. Id much rather have her here at home with me, as I don't mind taking her in her constant pills, & cooking her the things she likes to eat. As I said to her, when she worried that it was unfair of her to stay in bed too long, at least the bungalow isn't empty when I know that you are in the bedroom, & that gives me a lot of comfort.

Went to hospital yesterday, took the staff & patients, chocolates & Easter eggs, but poor Lorna has visibly deteriorated, as her right arm is useless I feed her with her lunch (as I often had to). She was most upset that she was unable to speak to her sister when she phoned, she asked that I phone June & explain that she was better now.

Today she was most confused didn't know what day it was; also she was obviously very heavily sedated. Lorna thinks that I look distinguished in my glasses & although I don't have to wear them, I do, so that she can't see my eyes, but I can't stop the tears from running down my cheeks, so I told her that I have a cold. The nurses told me that I should cry otherwise I will make myself ill, I told them that "big boy's don't cry", they said that they do. I should confide in neighbours, but I don't have any to confide in. They said I should see a doctor, but Lorna's the one that's ill not me.

They told me subsequently that I had stayed at the hospital for thirty-six hours by her bedside, but don't really remember that. She screamed out many times that she just wanted to die. I told her that I really should go home & get some sleep, shower & change of clothes, but she constantly told me that I couldn't & she wanted me to stay with her. Ultimately I promised her that if she let me go home, I would return after a few hours sleep & stay by her bedside again that night.

I'd had about three hour's sleep, when the phone rang, it was the hospital. Lorna was asking for me again. I rapidly showered & clothed & off to hospital as fast as possible. Her sister was there & moved over to let me sit & hold Lorna's hands, June then went off to get a cup of coffee. Lorna's breathing was very laboured & her head was to one side but I couldn't straighten it. She wanted to tell me something but didn't have any voice. I told her to go to sleep & tell me about it when she woke up. So I just sat holding her hands & kissing her cheek. After about twenty minutes her breath failed & she was dead. I went to see the nurse & told her that Lorna's spirit had left her body. It was 5.30p.m. On Tuesday second of May.

Lorna had only been given to me to look after for seven short years. We were best friends, next Friday she will be cremated & her ashes interred with those of her husband. Her name will also be inscribed on her husband's headstone. Now I am alone again.

Oh Lorna, why did you have to die, we were so happy together.

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