Boris Bunny

Lots of people have a rabbit as a pet. They are usually cuddly, soft creatures and easy to look after.   They sit in a cage and perhaps have a run for exercise.  . They enjoy the odd apple or carrot for a treat and love being stroked.

Boris is quite different   When we got him he was called Jasmine, a flowery, feminine name that bore no resemblance to rufty tufty Boris.   He is built like a miniature Sumo wrestler and can be quite aggressive if challenged.   Anyway we checked his sex and it was no surprise to find out he was a male.   By now all the cats in the neighbourhood had found this out anyway. No female cat dares to come in our garden now, not unless she wants to be chased by a very frisky rabbit and it seems like none of them do.  Having frightened all the cats away, Boris is now pretty lonely.  He tried to make friends with a couple of hedgehogs who visit our garden nightly to eat the cat food and other scraps put out especially for them.  It was not a happy encounter and Boris leaves them alone now.   He bounds after the bird population who come into the garden to feed and seems very surprised when they get fed up with him chasing them and fly away.   A couple of the pigeons will stand up to him and Boris gives in, lulling them into a false sense of security. They strut around with puffed out breasts for a while and then he charges them, using his football to try and knock them down like skittles.  There are always a lot of feathers fluttering around our garden!  He loves playing football and has his own ball, which he will chase, up and down the garden for hours.  But I am afraid he also uses the ball in quite another way, which can be very embarrassing if we have company.   My Mum bless her heart used to watch Boris as he jammed the ball against the side of the patio and proceeded to give it socks.  “He does love his ball,” she would say so very innocently. Mum was brought up in a much more gentle and refined time and would not really understand even if we tried to explain.  Boris treats male cats with complete contempt and quite a few noisy fights start with Boris chasing them all around the garden until they give in and leave via the high fence.     

I suppose because he is lonely, that is the reason he spends so much time with us. He will follow my husband around all day, when he is in the garden. Trouble is, Boris still thinks like a bunny and will eat anything green and growing, which does not endear him to Peter. The garden has been fenced like Fort Knox.   Sadly the perimeter fences get breached almost every night. The human language next morning would make even a bunnies hair curl.

So our very ordinary Bunny is a footballer by day and a guard dog by night, which impresses the neighbours who love to watch him out of the window.

I suppose in bunny terms, Boris is the David Beckham of rabbits.   He uses his nose, his chest and the side of his face to dribble the ball.   He also has a very impressive front paw, which can bowl the ball along at quite a rate of knots. His headers are magic.   Boris could play for England if there was an animal team because he can really hare around (joke, not very good) He loves someone to roll it to him and he will play for ages stopping only for a digestive biscuit or a carrot.   Also he has a pretty impressive routine, which involves going in a circle one-way three times and then back the other way three times.   He has several routines like this and we wondered if perhaps this is a form of mating ritual.   We have a female cat called Ginge and Boris has made it his life’s ambition to make friends with her.   She comes out of her cat flap very gingerly (if you will pardon the pun).   One feline sighting and Boris is there, trying to play with her.   Poor old Ginge now has to jump from patio table to bench until she is far enough away from Boris to make a dash for the fence and safety in next door’s garden.

When bread is thrown out for the birds, Boris makes sure he bags the biggest piece and will fight all comers.   The pigeons are obviously by now, very wary of him but the little wrens and starlings act as if he isn’t there. They are more wary of Ginge the cat and watch from the fence while the garden is filled with sounds of a hissing growling Ginger cat fending off Boris..   The sight of Ginge hurtling back through the cat flap with a hot bunny in close pursuit often only making the safety of the house by the skin of her teeth perhaps makes them think “serves you right!”

Boris is a tough little bunny but I do worry about his eyes as one good swipe from the large tabby across the road could really hurt and who ever heard of a top division footballer with poor eyesight?

Lately poor old Boris has had some health problems.   He stopped eating and seemed quite poorly. I took him to the vet and it turned out that his teeth were growing into his tongue, which must have been very painful. After an anaesthetic and very expensive dental work, he is back to his old self.   The vet has warned however, that Boris may need dental treatment at least six monthly from now on.   Sadly rabbits do not have strong hearts, so too many anaesthetics could prove fatal.

We never intended to have a rabbit as a pet.   Boris was a rescued bunny that we took in for the time being and still have four years later.   It is an expensive business because we go away quite often and have always taken Ginge to a good boarding kennels.   Now we have to take Ginge and Boris and it costs twice as much.

I am not sure what sort of life expectancy Boris can hope for.   I know I will miss him like crazy, when he finally goes off to the great rabbit warren in the sky.   If my husband is honest he will also miss Boris, although he would enjoy seeing his vegetables growing once again!.